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our lungs will be leaking [Sep. 7th, 2008|09:08 pm]
living in the u.s. i think i always felt like part of the whole world, or maybe like i was elevated so i could see the whole world, which is so ludicrous of course. the world is still a mystery no matter what i do about it. and no matter where you are you don't see everything, or understand what you do see. nevertheless, being in japan, i see now, was a really surreal escape from that kind of "expansive" (even if it's an illusion) reality. being in japan i only ever saw japan, not only because japan is a little culturally isolated, but mainly because everything was in japanese and totally lost on me! in the u.s., my english skills are such that nothing gets past me unless i let it...anyway, it was an escape - that's why i did it. and it ended up being other things, but it gave me a break from my old "routine".

i did my best, when i was in japan, to do everything the "japanese way". i had a lot of fun doing it. i strained myself to learn. i learned, and felt proud of myself. i forgave myself for making mistakes. i only fell into brief patterns of self-hate once or twice. and let me tell you, i hate myself. it's a fact. ;)

being back is nice. i now really understand the value of feeling like you belong!! it was also nice to feel unique, but, you know. lonely. not that being inside your native culture automatically kills loneliness. man, thoughts are complicated.

i guess in japan i was basically a four-year-old, and accepted myself as such. laughed at my incompetence. but in america i'm twenty-one, and there's no way i'm gonna take care of all these goddamned responsibilities and expectations that i've assigned myself. what's the solution? i better just deal with it. がんばって!!!!!!

[maybe i should subscribe to that particular important japanese cultural value; if you try your best, you're never a failure!]

<3 jennifer
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woman of action [Jul. 9th, 2008|04:55 pm]
[Tags|]
[music |turn into something]

i'm writing here like.......every single day. i think it's because i'm so anxious. or something. too anxious to do work. i did achieve several check marks today, however. i enjoyed what i think will be my last time in tokyo, maybe? i had to go to tokyo to see a yamaha guy i met at a "biz nite" i was doing volunteer/internship/whatever work for. whatever. my coordinator encouraged me to have a meeting with him when i was all like, "why would a professional japanese man want to meet with a virtually unemployed american college student (who came to japan partially to fish for a yamaha internship)?" turns out, he's just a nice guy enthusiastic about what he does.

i was nervous i would be late since the maps he sent me for where his office was located were all in japanese. then, i realized they were harajuku maps. and when i went there i found the office in about 2 seconds, because i've spent soooo much time in harajuku these past months. anyway, he talked about all yamaha's new cutting-edge musical equipment because he's an engineer, and of course his thing these days is the tenori-on. i think the reason he wanted to talk with me was because i knew what the tenori-on was. "bjork's been using one on stage lately," i had told him. "ah yes, bjork," he replied. "she bought 5 tenori-on from us."

i was there for an hour and a half or so, then he had to leave for some reason that had to do with robots. did i mention his english was not very good? he invited me to join him for robots but i declined. instead, i went to takeshita-dori and bought a hilarious bento box container at the 100 yen store there: "the late lunch with a true lover is the symbol of happy life. let's enjoy the delicious lunch with a mellow music!" word for word, the top of my new bento thingy.

i wanted to walk to shibuya but first i stopped at this croissant place my friend really loves and for good reason. it's funny, we went there together on our first weekend in japan and i remember feeling nervous about just buying a croissant since i knew no japanese and couldn't even understand the price when the cashier had said it to me. this time, i blew through that place with my elementary japanese. incidentally, numbers are now my specialty (since i go shopping so much...). anyway, matcha croissant <3

then i took a roundabout route to shibuya, since it was not hot or rainy today. i walked all the way to 109 and went to a store to see if the price on a shirt had dropped any more from the day before. yes, i also went to shibuya 109 yesterday (with a buddy, we just went straight from class) but there are summer sales in japan right now and prices on clothes drop everyday. anyway, the price has been reduced from 6,000 yen to 1,200 yen, which is $60 to $12. i bought it.

then i took the subway back to chiba, and the trains to the ies center. there, i thanked my coordinator for her help and encouragement. then i had to thank her even more earnestly, because she made arrangements for my luggage to be delivered to the airport for me (since i can't lift my suitcase and the company is japanese-only). phew! one less thing to worry about. as i walked back to the station, i guess i was looking too professional because a salaryman stopped me and asked to exchange meishi with me. actually, not the first time i've been asked for my non-existent meishi, but just because i was pretending to be important at all those biz nites...

then i guess i returned here, though it was 4 pm and i had left at 8 am (and rode rush-hour trains into tokyo...yuck). i returned to write papers and study for finals but instead i listened to animal collective and wrote this. i'm glad i got to go to tokyo today, the end.

love ya, tokyo


me, in tokyo, smiling not on the outside but surely on the inside. wearing a black coat which i’ve long since packed away since the humidity serves as a damp coat these days. my hair, a disgusting brown color…? is that my natural hair color? i better dye that thing.

[did i mention i clogged my sink from giving myself haircuts over it, and had to find drain cleaner and pretend to read the japanese instructions, but was successful…?!?]
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i got something to say [Jul. 6th, 2008|11:01 pm]
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i can't remember all the things i mean to post here, but i'm taking a break from paper-writing to copy maddie and discuss what i will and will not miss about japan. mostly silly things.

will miss:

- being in a big city, where's there's always something to see that you haven't yet, and always something to do at any hour of the day (or night).

- public transit. i've been spoiled by japan's train system. it's so clean, so smooth, so quiet and sooooooooo complex. it will get you anywhere. even if i have long commutes, i can spend the time however i like (reading, listening to music, studying, sleeping) instead "focusing on the road".

- the cleanliness and safeness of the city in general. especially the safeness. no reason to ever be anxious, unless you're really unlucky.

- the shopping

- shrines, temples, pagodas...shintoism and buddhism in general.

- high quality sevice: for the most part, japanese employees work really hard, and so i never felt like i've had to wait for anything and i've never had to deal with any big mistakes being made.

- politeness (outside of the trains...)

- konbini!! they are always open, always convenient, and of course the clerks are always nice and hard-working...

- japanese food: udon, soba, japanese ramen and curry, gyudon, onigiri, tonkatsu, sushi, miso, tenpura, okonomiyaki, takoyaki, yakisoba, yakitori, gyoza, donbori, mochi, dango, fluffy white rice, mcdonalds japan (the filet-o-shrimp, the matcha or milk tea mcflurry, haha..), melon pan, softo creamu...matcha everything...i guess this is getting silly now

- japanese tv. seriously, it crosses several lines of bizzareness.



- things being new and interesting

- leading an exciting life.

will not miss:

- constant confusion because of language barriers...i can't even imagine being able to speak english to anybody i see!!!!! to have people ask me questions i understand!!! giving complete, polite answers instead of my stock arsenal of "hai" "iie" and "daijoubu" that i pull out hoping they will have the right effect!!

- the only thing that really makes me mad in japan: the way people behave on trains. by this i only mean the lack of consideration. i thought several times i would punch a salaryman in the face for shoving me out of the way of a seat, or slowly inching his way in front of me so he can enter the train before i do. they would do this to anyone, though. i've seen them do it to old japanese ladies. or, people sit with their legs open or spread out their stuff so no one can sit next to them. also, i don't really blame anyone, but i'm sick of people falling asleep on me...

- the expensiveness of the trains. my teiki on my suica just recently expired so now i'm really noticing the costs. probably better than gas, though, right?

- trying to make last train. i look foward to going home anytime i want!!

- apparently i love AND hate the trains, because i also have to complain about not being able to rely on the trains. my first train of the morning is dependably a couple minutes late, but more than that and i may miss my transfer at the next station...and then the next transfer...and then i'm late for class. (though, admittedly, if i'm a couple minutes late to the station things can work out nicely...) just a little wind or rain and the musashino line shuts down and i can't get to school or can't get home. i will not miss the musashino-sen!!

- some othe kinds of japanese foods...the pickled everything, natto, that weird runny white stuff??

- as inane as it sounds, i will not miss the piles of vomit that are everywhere every morning. why is public vomitting acceptable in japan? "know your limits!" but, they are always cleaned up before afternoon.
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sushi [Jul. 1st, 2008|09:54 pm]
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sushi is delish; that's a fact.





after my tanjoubi celebration some of us went to tsukiji fish market, an early morning seafood event. wholesalers and restaurant owners go here every morning to pick up some fresh fish, and tourists can go enjoy some sushi.





( can you dig it? )
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kamakura [Jun. 29th, 2008|11:13 pm]
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yep i went to kamakura: enkakuji (on the way), tsurugaoka hachimangu, daibutsu, hase-dera.



( pictures )

that's all for now!
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yoshimi battles the pink robots [Jun. 22nd, 2008|07:39 am]
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yesterday was kinda a long day; i got out of bed real early to take a bus to kamakura (i say that and not woke up because i haven't been sleeping well lately, i'm not sure why). keep in mind that most of the time when i throw names of places around they are actually tokyo districts: ginza, ikebukuro, shibuya, harajuku, akihabara, etc. but kamakura is out of the city, like 2 hours away. i'll prepare stuff on kamakura later; it's a beautiful place.

we took a train from kamakura to shibuya in order to see my beloved ooioo. i'll devote this entry to them because it's still unreal that i got to see them. they were perfect!! here's some short (30-second) videos i took of them performing some of my favorite songs (keep in mind that they sounded buch better than what my little camera can capture!):


uma (some people in the audience laugh when yoshimi starts reading the lyrics!! haha)


uja


more of uja


ah yeah!


mountain book

( pictures as well )

that said, the other opening act, にせんねんもんだい, was also pretty good. i took this video of them because that drummer was crazy



anyway, we just stayed in shibuya all night after that, which could've been great if i wasn't so tired. i came home this morning and was woken up around noon by an earthquake that scared me to death. i lept out of bed, or did i fall out of bed?? why can't the japanese gods just let me sleep??
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my seneis [Jun. 18th, 2008|08:01 am]
[Tags|, ]
[music |the building creaking because of this earthquake]

living in a dorm, i have relatively few interactions with older generations of japanese people. but, almost everyday i get to talk to my senseis.

my kanji teacher (inaba-sensei) is especially funny. she makes the most bizarre sound effects. something that sounds like “ping-pong!” if you recognize a kanji correctly and something like “boo-boo!” if you mess up writing a kanji. one day this hilarious exchange happened…

“this one mean, ‘lice field.’” then, an awkward pause, which i was glad she immediately picked up on.

“also, i’m sorry, my english pronunciation is not good. i don’t mean lice like…”

she launches into some weird mime.

“head lice?” a student offers.

“yes, not that. not head lice field.”

sadly, more recently, she mislead us into believing a certain kanji was “fresh” when she was actually saying “flesh”. (why not just say “meat”, sensei??) the problem is that there is no pure "l" or "r" sound in japanese; the romanization ra ri ro re ru is pronounced like a combo of the "l" and "r" sounds, i guess.

my japanese sensei (nakagawa-sensei) is adorable, and a delight. there he is on the left:



and yep, that’s me on the right.

we were learning the kanji for “su” as in “suki” which means, “like.” someone asked if there was a stronger way to express one’s feelings, as in, how do you say that you love something or someone?

apparently, not really.

a student asked: “so i can use suki for beer and for my mother?”

sensei replied, “un,” (yes), and seemed lost as to what the confusion was. “japanese people don’t really say……that. it’s too much….too much expression…it’s embarrassing.”

“so, what do you say to your wife?” the student ventured further.

“oh,” sensei looked uncomfortable. “i forgot.”

“no really, what do you say to her?”

“i say, ‘i want to have breakfast now.’” !!!!!!!!!!!!!??

i wasn’t sure how to feel about it, though the way he said it WAS funny. this discussion was continued with my kanji teacher and she said the same thing. “you can feel it, but don’t say it.” why? she couldn’t explain. i think she was also implying that the directness is jarring and embarrassing. japanese is a language where little is said but a lot is understood (if you’re a native speaker…i think it’s called “high context”). so, like she said, if you love someone, that person knows it without you saying it directly (if you have chosen to express it in indirect ways)? however, one of my non-japanese seneis (she is from israel) states definitively that because the japanese don’t have different words for different kinds of love, they do not feel different kinds of love. “words define your reality.” well, how about that? (i don’t subscribe to this opinion.)

embarrassment, incidentally, seems like quite a preoccupation here. many japanese people go way out of their way not to embarrass other people. this means if you’re doing something wrong, a japanese person is not likely to let you know. also, it is considered very rude to say, “no” outright to anything (which is true in my american experience as well) and so the word coming up is perceived as embarrassing as well (again, true in america, right?). so, when a japanese person has a question, they will often gently probe for the answer before asking in order to avoid “iie” coming up. or so they say. they’re supposed to ask, “have any plans for saturday?” first and not, “wanna go to the moon this saturday?” however, my experience has been disturbingly opposite. many japanese people don’t even ask, they just state, “let’s go to the moon together on saturday” with no segue. awkward. also, if no must be said, you’re supposed to look very pained and say, “chotto...” a japanese person will supposedly know to drop the subject if things become this desperate...

anyway, some observations. here's another one: a lot of japanese people are eerily silent in public.

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i hate it when it snows on my french toast [Jun. 15th, 2008|08:55 am]
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well, i might as well go ahead and post all these pictures from saturday, so they don't sit around and rot in my camera, like we all know digital pictures do.

this could be like, "a day in tokyo!!!!!"

first, we took the train to ginza, to see a show at the famous kabuki-za (theatre). it was first my kabuki experience and it was very interesting. i wish we'd had better seats. kabuki is traditional japanese theatre, with music and dancing and extreme makeup. and recital class credit. finally, thank you japanese jesus.

no pictures allowed of the performance, but he's a tiny pictures sample i found on this internet thing



the speaking style was really different, and the movements really controled and graceful. also, only men perform kabuki, so drag abounds.



( pictures of the za that i actually took )

after walking around ginza a little, we took a train to harajuku to briefly attend a party at the design festa galleries. i don't have to tell you again that design festa is awesome.

( the gallery and a little harajuku and omotesando )

then we walked to shibuya and wandered around. tried to go a couple bars that were too full. went to don quijote (ドン キホーテ), a hilarious chain throughout japan of bizarre discount stores full of unbelievable amounts of random crap. our real purpose in shibuya was to meet up with some people for a restaurant. i think it was called "alcatraz medical prison" or something. anyway, it was a really funny themed restauant. the theme, of course, somewhere between a hospital and a prison with a ton of forced horror. i thought it was great. i found this article about it.

( bad pictures )

that's all my pictures. laters
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okinawa, the last day; and NEKOBUKURO [Jun. 12th, 2008|08:29 am]
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on the last day we went to kokusai street, a big shopping area for mainly omiyage (souvenirs). then, back on a plane and back home! all i have is this picture in which the last supper spontaneously happened during our lunch at a restaurant.



now about today...after class i went with a friend to a science center type place called risupia that was awesome…(we have the grutt passes...i’ll bring it up some other time) and then we met up with another friend to hit up a part of tokyo called ikebukuro. our main purpose in ikebukuro: nekobukuro.

i’ve been hearing about cat cafes in tokyo since i’ve been here. since a lot of tokyoites have small, expensive apartments that don’t allow pets or long work schedules that make pet-owning a bad idea, the advent of cat cafes gave people a chance to enjoy the company of cats without being a cat owner. the cafes you go to, drink coffee or tea, and pet and play with cats. we went to nekobukuro (a play on the name of the region, since neko means cat in japanese) which is not a cafe, but a “cat house.” just some rooms with many cats, maybe 30 or so. you pay admission, then you enjoy as long as you like.



( even i'd be willing to call it kawaii...& i hate that word )

then we went to a sanrio store for some reason, and then drank mcdonalds hyaku en kohi. i go to mcdonalds kinda often here. but mcdonalds is awesome in japan. incidentally, "mcdonalds" is almost impossible for a lot of japanese people to say: "makudonarudosu". so they just say "maku".

anyway, i'm getting ahead of myself posting about something i did today, because there's a ton of stuff from before i haven't gotten to, and time is probably gently decaying my memory already. but i was just really excited about nekobukuro.

p.s. i bought the most outrageous things today, in the ikebukuro tokyu hands where nekobukuro was and the sanrio store. they will be gifts, so watch out future recipients.
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mostly okinawa, the third day; also sunday [Jun. 10th, 2008|06:50 am]
[Tags|, , , , , , ]
[music |trying out some santogold]

hey! i'm sure no-one was genuinely worried about it, but i did in fact survive the akihabara stabbings....but seven innocent people did not. when it happened, i was in ueno or something. or on a train. not far away, but bottom line not in akihabara. though, i'm never in akihabara. i think i went there once. by the way, here's an awesome english map of train lines in tokyo and chiba. can you find my stop (baraki-nakayama) on it?? please don't try. but you can probably find shibuya and harajuku, where i typically go in tokyo.

anyway, remember kids, there are better ways to prove one's existence in this reality than committing murder. your acts still go unnoticed by an indifferent god!!!!! ok, i'm not [really] being serious. or at least, don't say such things to people who feel so numb to reality and experiencing happiness or pain or anger in it that they feel that killing is a solution, a new connection...

ok i'm gonna bust this one out. on this day in okinawa, we went to manzamo cliff, former japanese navy underground headquarters, and okinawa world and then learned to play the sanshin.



( many pictures )
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